There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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