I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize