But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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