I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize