dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
