two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
