So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
