Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
