Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
