is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize