I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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