Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He shit in the fireplace
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
