Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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