Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
