i don't like sucking hair
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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