just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
