shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
