I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
True strength comes from lack of pants
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