Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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