i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
