hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
