Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
