So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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