just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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