ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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