Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
