if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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