And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I believe in your delicious
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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