I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
