He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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