I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
