Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
