Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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