He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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