let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
