Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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