I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
