tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
