Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
