If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
