Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
