Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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