And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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