She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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