Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
