Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
