Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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