Cold hands, warm shart.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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