I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
