What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize