It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
