I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
