$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
