brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
