well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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