somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
