no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
