In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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