sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
