I got chris browned last night
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
