Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
