I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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