Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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