farters have to be the big spoon...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ladies don't puke and tell
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
