So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
